Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I've been watching lots of TV at home. It's kind of ironic. I love the makeover shows. So basically I watch other people improve their lives while I sit on the couch in my pajamas. I'm really impressed and think 'wouldn't it be nice if someone could inspire me like that?' then i just eat more chocolate/food and watch another show. yay! I'm so lazy if I don't plan anything. I always need something to look forward to. Normal people go hang out with her high school or old friends. Truth is though I don't have any that I was really close to that we make an effort to hang out. Too bad. I've never had a close group of friends before college really and I think when I was five. Eh. That's way too depressing to talk about.
I think I'm more of an acquaintance person. I know lots of people and am excellent at small talk. If I see someone after a long time at a party/gathering, I have no problem talking, but we don't keep in touch in between. They don't make an effort and neither do I.
There is a select group of people I've known since practically birth. There were four of us that were the same age. We do not talk outside of seeing each other's families at things. When we were little we were close in proximity and as friends. Then we moved away and whatnot. You know scratch the fact that I don't make an effort. I do. I sent one of the girls an e-card for her bday b/c she never picks up her cell maybe she changed it dunno. She does not even acknowledge that I sent her a card - no nice email saying thanks sruti hope everything is great. That frankly pisses me off. You know she is also the favorite amongst all the parents because she acts soo sweet. poop on her. i think that is one of my problems. i try too hard to be nice to people who do not give a damn about me.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
i feel all this pressure to be really good when i perform in front of people i know. i realllyyy want to show them, but I get so antsy and nervous I usually end up messing up or freaking out. It's semi stage fright. I love performing - it's the best high ever! seriously, your adrenaline is pumping and you just give it your all. but for some odd reason i am so afraid of what my friends think. damn high expectations.
I also don't mind going in stage as part of a group but a solo eek. It's something I'm slowly working on getting over. I cannot let one bad experience marr future opportunities.
This applies to all parts of my life. I would do so much better in my classes if I didn't have grades. I have got to learn to handle things under pressure. I get crushed too easily. I must put myself out there. ::repeat incessantly::
this semester i took a dance class - learned some ballet and hip hop. so much fun! tomorrow i'm performing. i hope i can control my incredibly long spaghetti arms...they're like rubber bands flailing all over the place.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Why is Music Legal?
Sometimes I wonder why music is legal. Music can alter your mood and your body chemistry just like any illegal drug. The fact that it goes into your body through your ear shouldn’t make a difference. We take drugs via practically every other hole in our body – mouth, butt, eyeballs, nose – you name it. Ain’t nothing special about an ear.
Music is clearly unsafe. Suppose you’re in a perfectly good mood and a depressing song comes on. That could make you sad and break down your body’s natural defenses. You could get sick and die. Thank you very much Tori Amos.
Many songs are dangerous to hear while operating a motor vehicle. For example, anything by the Doobie Brothers will force me to exceed the speed limit. You probably have your own songs that make you speed. If you believe in free will you might argue that people always have the choice of NOT speeding. But by that reasoning it should be legal to allow drunks to drive because they have the choice of not doing it.
Let me put it another way. If gum made people more likely to speed, you know there would be a law against chewing and driving. If it goes into your body through your mouth, it’s a drug. If it goes in through your ears, it’s entertainment. That seems random to me.
One way you know you have a drinking problem is if it affects your work. I don’t know about you, but if I have a song stuck in my head, it lowers my I.Q. by about 40 points. I can sometimes do two things at the same time if those two things are easy, such as humming and walking. But if I’m trying to write a blog post or read a licensing contract, a song in my head will turn me into a chimp. Case in point – I have a song in my head right now and this post sucks.
Don’t forget – music is a gateway drug to harder stuff. Music attracts dancing. Dancing attracts alcohol. Alcohol leads to unwanted pregnancies. Unwanted pregnancies lead to abortion. If you believe life begins at conception, you have to believe that music kills babies.
And then there’s the corrosive effect of hip-hop music. I enjoy a lot of it, but after hearing three tracks I have an urge to slap a ho. That can’t be healthy, especially for the ho.
Just to be clear, I don’t think music should be illegal. I just think it’s somewhat random that it isn’t.
Scott Adams is GREAT!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The paper topic is so cool I do not know why I cannot motivate myself. I'm supposed to be writing about the contributions and controversies of the devadasis. By far the most interesting thing that I have discovered in my research (and by research i mean googling) is a woman named Kama who is a devadasi in Britain. She has a blog too. My first impression was blogging 'prostitute' has potential to be well explicit and TMI. Surprisingly or not surprisingly, she is incredibly intelligent and a confident woman; Kama writes about current issues and whatever strikes her mind. She really makes me rethink the role of women and sexuality. Her strongest point is regulating prostitutes will not make a difference, but regulating the people who go to prostitutes. Basic rule of economics whenever there is a demand there will be a supply. I'm neither praising nor condoning what she does, but I admire her eloquence and guts to stand for what she believes in without sounding arrogant or superficial. American society tends to stigmatize sex as purely physical and X rated, but in fact it is something beautiful and spiritual. Creation is an amazing thing.
Sepiamutiny had a posting about it a while back. The comment section is compelling.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The weather sucked. Waded in the rain literally. usual umbrella flipping inside out because of the fucking wind.
Went to my dance class. Last class the teacher filmed us so we would know what we did wrong. so we watched the tape today. boy oh boy do i do a lot wrong. my arms go flying all over the place and i can't do leaps. undermined any kind of dance confidence i was slowly regaining. curse my spaghetti arms. embarrassed greatly.
my econ class fri was cancelled so i decided to go home today instead of tomorrow. b/c i was just wasting my time at school anyway, i have nothing to do. HSC used to take up a lot of time, but not much i can do anymore. that's another story. it's crazy i read some of the old things i wrote and i used to be busy. i'm envious of that.
i really wanted to do this service project spring break trip thing and i got rejected. wonderful. i even got rejected from the extra trips they made b/c so many people applied. fabulous. rejection is part of life yes i know. but getting rejected by everything doesn't do much for one's self esteem. ::bangs head against wall repeatedly:: and no i'm not basing my life on that one instance. i don't really want to give a list of my rejections and things i did not and should have done. that will just make me more depressed.
Friday, November 10, 2006
In this class, the text Modern South Asia provides you with one master narrative of South Asian history. Ramachandra Guha writes in the preface to A Corner of a Foreign Field that ‘the making of modern
This book is perfect for curious cricket enthusiasts and clueless people who wondered what all the fuss was about. Nonetheless, it should not be taken as the primary source, but rather inspire the reader to find out more about the events he mentions. The book does enhance the story of Modern India narrated thus far. In fact, because of the other viewpoints we have read, I am able to look at Guha's writing critically.
Guha tends to be biased and does not acknowledge criticisms of the famous figures he mentions in particular Mahatma Gandhi. Perhaps the most striking example is when Gandhi fasts to prevent separate electorates for Untouchables (Poona Pact). Guha does not mention Ambedkar's position. That was a most unfair decision on Gandhi's part because he placed Ambedkar in a bind. If one of the most worshipped leaders in the nation died, Ambedkar could not prevent mass lynchings of Untouchables, therefore he had to concede. It could not have been because Amdekar realized that Gandhi was right; it was a matter of saving people. How does that relate to cricket you ask? One of the greatest bowlers in perhaps the world is the Untouchable Palwankar Baloo, who inspired Ambedkar. Baloo ventured into politics (as all celebrities do) and was one of the main figures in asking Ambedkar to compromise for a few special seats for Untouchables instead. Baloo was a staunch Gandhian. It's ironic because Ambedkar believed no matter what anyone said, upper caste persons would not be able to treat Dalits as equals, so he chose to work out of Hinduism. But then here is a great Dalit idol who believes it is possible because it happend to him, but not everyone can be a great cricket player. Guha seems to deify Gandhi, but he was human and he made mistakes.
I think in the early 20th century cricket did not play such a major role in the history, but after 1947 Independence its importance is astounding. I never realized how tied to nationalism the sport was or any sport for that matter. Guha tells mini stories of how all hell would break loose if India lost to Pakistan. People would say Bharat Mata ki jai if India won! The most entertaining example is when India beat Pakistan, the people who worked at the LOC only heard a few happy shots of gunfire, but if they lost... oh boy.
ok this is getting too long. Any tips appreciated!!!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.
Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah! and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comics, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost.
Since then no one ever found it.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but
without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a job, I guess.
Monday, November 06, 2006
On Friday, I went to a discussion about the Gita 12th chapter on bhakti. It was most interesting. The 12th chapter gives a prescription to achieve a peaceful state of mind (ALWAYS open to interpretation). We just talked about how hard that can be and how to focus on God when going through motions of the day. Someone brought up a good point that we always blame God when we are angry or hurt, but when something good happens we always congratulate ourselves. Another person related a story of his father who always thinks about God when he eats ice cream - he offers it to God first. Anyway, it's a reminder to think of Him when positive things happen too. That is so true, so each of us decided to pick an object, something positive to help us remember God. I'm going to try that from now on.
I also watched the film Memento. I liked it, I was in complete suspense till the end. Although I was disappointed with the ending. I always like to have a rationale for everything and that's not the ending they gave. I don't want to give away the story, but people should watch it! Really good directing and cinematography.
I don't know much about Cricket, but for my modern South Asia class, she asked us to read a book called Corner of A Foreign Field. It's a history of cricket in India. The book is really very good, but you know how something can lose its appeal if it becomes a homework assignment? Anyway, I like that he talks about a little known AMAZING bowler named Baloo. He was an untouchable. But cricket seems to have been a path for him to overcome the oppression that comes along with being a Dalit. That's pretty cool.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
People should listen to all the songs from Bommarilu!!!! I can't decide which one i like the most. I really love 2 songs from Pournami - Muvvala Navakalla and Evaro Chudali. They're haunting. And the songs from Pokiri. So much fun! I think Telugu music is in some kind of economic boom right now. Hindi music hasn't been that super lately. Devi Sri Prasad is just AMAZING as a music director. He really thinks about lyrics too. And they're just beautiful and poetic =). A lot of the songs now in Telugu are so trashy. You know what song cracks me up? That song from Pokiri:
Ippatikinka naa vayasu ninda padahare, cheetiki maatiki cheyesthu chuttu kurrallehahahaha
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I haven't been good at doing the reading lately. I'm always too tired when I come home. I mean to read at work, but I always forget my book in my rush in the morning. I have been reading Tree-Bride by Bharati Mukherjee. I was skeptical at first b/c I didn't like Mukherjee's short stories; they bored me to sleep. But I like Tree-Bride it reads a lot more smoothly. Hehe actually my dad accidentally returned it while I was reading it halfway, so I had to wait until I could borrow it again. So I'm reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince again. Maybe I'll read something I might have missed before...a clue to the next book!
I saw this movie called Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar. I like the song Pehla Nasha. I have to dl it.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
any recommendations? interested in all genres.
White Teeth by Zadie Smith
Stiff by Mary Roach
[both are really good!! reviews coming soon]
Badra Telugu film with Ravi Teja and Meera Jasmine. It wasn't bad actually, the jokes were entertaining. The fighting/violence was just showy for the audience. The film could have been as good with it toned down.
going to watch
Chukkalo Chandrudu with Siddharth (:-* mwah). hope it's good.
started work already. might go to India this summer. last weekend went to an air show in Andrews Air Force Base in MD. that was cool. this coming weekend going to NJ to HSC National Conference. hopefully get to see my family and have a good time.
i bet you're curious how grades went this semester. good news is i didn't do any worse. i did exactly the same. only 2 C's. that is an improvement. hopefully next year my grades will be even better. aiming for a 3.0 to graduate.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I am really good at losing friends. There was this one friend last year; he and I were best buddies. Then this year, he is like a stranger. It's wierd. The wierd part is the pessimism in me told me that we weren't going to be friends this year, I knew it. Once he wasn't a part of the Hindu Students Council anymore, how could we be friends? We lost the common interest. And also he got back together with his girlfriend and they're probably going to get married. They spend all their time together. What's unfortunate is she lives in the building right next to us and not once does he come visit. He came in the beginning but only b/c he wanted to borrow my textbook. But what is most annoying is I am constantly reminded of him. We used to trade music a lot and the songs he sent me are on my computer and when I put a random playlist, there they are. It's not that I had a crush on him. God no. Ok maybe a little, in the beginning. But we were like best friends like siblings we told each other stuff. Then I don't know what happened. I tried to have the same relationship as before, but something changed. He became a jerk. To me at least. Maybe he was one all along. Maybe that's partially why I've been kind of sad all year. I feel like I lost a good friend and it's somehow my fault = (. Believe me, he isn't making it easy to talk to him either. He tells other people that he thinks I'm mad at him. That confuses me. It also reminds me of something I do myself. It's a way of pushing people out of your life. So, dear person, do not worry if you wish that I should no longer be your friend and should not interfere in your life. Wish you well.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I procrastinated on two papers that are due on Friday. One is total crap, and the other I haven't written yet. I guess I deserve a bad grade for procrastinating.
Then to add on top of this last week, there was this offensive cartoon on Hinduism that I didn't take seriously b/c it was dumb and didn't make sense anyway. But anyway it initiated this whole uproar against the University newspaper for printing mean stuff which it has been doing pretty regularly. Well you know how I am President or whatever this year? Well yeah to be honest I don't care but the rest of the officers care a lot. So I keep screwing up the message and that whole issue is also stressing me out.
Now I think this one person really dislikes me and she didn't before. I am getting bad vibes from her. I just wanna go home :-(. But I can't I have to write three mediocre papers. I think that is what causes my self-esteem to suffer the most, the fact that my school work has become mediocre and I'll settle for C's.
I finally got an A on a paper, my very first A on a paper at this University. It shocked me. I didn't know it was possible. So, I wanted to continue the good work, but I procrastinated and am suffering from lack of motivation. I am so sick of school. Blahhhhhh, I need to dump. I make mistakes all the time, I just wish others didn't suffer from the consequences. If my mistakes just affected me that would be great, but I really am stressed that my mistakes cause other people to think poorly of someone else. That's why I seriously need to keep my mouth shut. I must really look dumb. damnit.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I know I have it good. Not many people have the opportunity to study at this University. Hell, not many people go to college or even finish grade school. I am lucky that I have a loving family, food to eat, and a place to live. Many people in this world don't have those things I know. But, somehow I don't know why I feel pathetic and worthless. I try really hard to think how lucky I am, but I still don't feel good about myself. It's all about being happy with how things are going and well I am not.
I'm barely passing college. I have no motivation. You would think trying to study harder to get better grades is good enough motivation, but it isn't. I really don't care anymore. I don't say things right- people interpret them wrong and naturally I get in trouble for it. I have many, many character flaws. Right now, I cannot think of anything good or something I like about myself. Let me try.
Nope. Nothing. The environment and the external stuff are good. It's the internal stuff that's fucked up. I don't know how to fix that. Unless. Somehow I can go back in time and erase the past, and redo it properly with the knowledge of what I did wrong. That is not going to happen. I just feel miserable.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
I am a modest person. I don't like talking about my accomplishments sometimes because it sounds like I'm bragging or something. The way I talk sometimes is kind of self-deprecating.. But I guess I should brag a little because otherwise people don't seem to respect me, even my friends.
It's kind of annoying when people think they can do a better job than you at something when you have seen them do it before and they did a shoddy job. For example, we had a religious ceremony and an alumni came and helped us perform it. Now, someone else organized it (of course on my coaxing and giving all the contact info) and by the way did a crappy job. Because at the event itself I was racing around making sure all the materials were there. And 10 minutes before to my unbelieving eyes, they are sorting all the papers to pass out!! I wanted to see what this person's capabilities were and needless-to-say I was kind of disappointed.
Also, I am a co-leader (supposedly) but I do most of the work!!!! And why does my co-president refuse to see it??? argh argh argh.
Friday, February 10, 2006
acknowledgement to previous post:
i'm overdramatic. as long as i be myself and make the most of out every day, i won't be misleading. i'll just be me.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
In person, I am a crazy chatterbox especially to longtime friends and my family. However, I am not like that with new people or people I have know for a short time or just people that I cannot open up to. They tend to think I am a quiet, shy person. So there are my two personalities.
I clam up like that because in physical presence, I feel awkward about the way I look, the way I move. Through instant messaging there is this cover, they don't ever have to see how I look or watch my movements. So because I can succesfully hide, I talk freely and I am myself.
But that's where I become misleading. Because when I meet these people at a party or on campus, I am extremely quiet and shy because I am so self-conscious. It must be confusing because I am so interesting online and quite dull in person. Even my roommates made the comment that it was fun to talk to me online (before we lived together). I don't know if that implies I am not as fun in person, but I get the idea that it does.
Friday, January 06, 2006
but my mom came in at around 8 am and told me shocking and sad news. one of our dance friends, thushara, her dad died last night from a heart attack. no one was expecting it. he was too young, too healthy. we drove over to their house to i guess be there for them. but what can one do when someone is mourning. it's numbing.
her dad was a really sweet and friendly person. he loved his family and cared so much about everyone. may he rest in peace.
Monday, January 02, 2006
However it did end on a positive note. My parents got a sudden urge to make up for 5 years of lost vacations due to ahem dance programs *cough*, so we went to sunny California with fabulous palm trees:-).
It's quite a lovely story. In short we went to Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.
For a longer more detailed version read on.
We left on Tuesday Dec 20 around 9 pm. Not any major problems except one whiny little kid who cried a lot on the flight. We got there around midnight LA time. All the baggage showed up except mine. The airlines representative said simply that security must not have liked the bag, so they didn't send it along. uhhhh ok. but we got it the next day, so it was ok.
We went to my uncle's house in Brea, CA. I have not seen this uncle in 13 years, I've never seen his wife or his kids. It was like 70 degrees there! Couldn't believe it was the middle of December. We visited my cousin's elementary school. It was so different from the ones around here. Their classroom doors open to the outside and we just waltzed in. There was no front office check-in and getting a visitor sticker. [I have just been informed that since it was a party day, they were waiving this process, so scratch that hehe]
Then we went to Las Vegas. It took 6 hours instead of 3 because we hit a lot of traffic. We moaned and groaned in the car ride, but it was definitely worth it. Las Vegas is amazing! One cannot put it into words. Where else in the world would you find a city of lights in the middle of the desert that consists of many hotels where you just gamble? Unfortunately, I couldn't gamble as still not 21 :-/. But the hotels, frickin awesome!! Everyone should go once in their life and at least see the Bellagio fountains and inside all the hotels . Beeyootiful:-).
Then we went back to Brea and visited in Chino Hills one of my dad's old friends from Telco. He had a daughter my age that the last time I saw I think I was three. We talked and we are so similar! It was cool:-). On Christmas day, we drove to LA and walked on Hollywood Boulevard. I took a picture with Zorro (for you Sharmeen)!
My aunt and uncle (mom's cousin) in Brea have a daughter who apparently is my 'clone' and a 2 year old son who must have powerful lungs since he is an excellent screamer hehe. Then we went to Universal Studios! That was coool, I loved seeing the Studio tour where they shot all these famous movies and how they do special effects! It rocked:-).
Then we flew to San Francisco and drove to Santa Clara, where my main-mama (hehe mom's own brother) lives with his wife and adorable 1.5 years old daughter. She talks soo much and just everything she did was cute:-). We saw the Golden Gate Bridge, Fisherman's wharf, China Town, Lombard Street (literally crooked!), The Mystery Spot, and the Mystery House (in San Jose). The streets of San Francisco are scary...all those hills!
For this trip, I would like to thank the portable GPS system that my dad bought for saving us from getting completely lost. There were certain things that I will point out later about this trip, that stand out in my mind.
Another note, I read Life of Pi and it was really really good. An interesting perspective that I'll talk more about later.