Sometimes I think I am misleading. I use technology as a cover. In this particular instance, I mean Instant Messaging like AIM, Yahoo, MSN, etc. I don't mean to.
In person, I am a crazy chatterbox especially to longtime friends and my family. However, I am not like that with new people or people I have know for a short time or just people that I cannot open up to. They tend to think I am a quiet, shy person. So there are my two personalities.
I clam up like that because in physical presence, I feel awkward about the way I look, the way I move. Through instant messaging there is this cover, they don't ever have to see how I look or watch my movements. So because I can succesfully hide, I talk freely and I am myself.
But that's where I become misleading. Because when I meet these people at a party or on campus, I am extremely quiet and shy because I am so self-conscious. It must be confusing because I am so interesting online and quite dull in person. Even my roommates made the comment that it was fun to talk to me online (before we lived together). I don't know if that implies I am not as fun in person, but I get the idea that it does.
Analyzing Love
5 days ago
8 comments:
I am surprised you find it is so surprising or even feel that this kind of a split personality is rare. It's probably the cause of so many friendships and even romances that have gone both ways when people meet through this medium. Ive been through it and so have many I know, and I am talking from 2000 on, when Yahoo and internet chatting was picking up like crazy.
It's a double-edged sword you know - are you real behind a facade or are you real when the mask is off - kind of brings a whole new meaning to the question - Who am i? correct?
The medium is wonderful as it is scary, so enjoy the whole "circus" :-)
Eva
well i don't necessarily find it surprising. I'm sure that other people feel like that too. I just wish that i could be the way I am online in person. But you are right, who knows which one is the real me? If only the two worlds could merge.
Title is a bit MISLEADIN....Think it over.
i don't get it.
Donno about you, but I know many who prefer to keep the 2 worlds apart. It's like a secret identity - something that can actually be you. The world expects us to behave in a certain way, and once you typecast yourself, no one likes change - or at least understands it the way it's meant to be.
If you do want to change and behave like the way you are online, no one is stopping you except yourself. Keep your mind open and do what your heart tells you to - you can't be too far wrong.
ok, I'll stop now :)
Eva
That is exactly what makes it so hard. To change once you're stuck in a rut, in a preconceived notion that everyone has of you. Sometimes, the only way to change to me is to escape and start over in a new place with new people who don't know the old you. That's how I was on the first day of college, I was happy because no one could judge esp since they did not know who I was before. But, now halfway through my third year, I seemed to have regressed back to the old ways of being quiet and shunning new people.
It is also difficult to keep the online identity separate because chatting via IM is just a normal form of communication, people chat online and also meet face-to-face.
My heart and my brain are always in constant conflict. My heart tells me that I should do a lot of things, but I always, always consciously stop myself. I really need to get over that. I like to blame this irrational fear of social rejection. I wish it was one way or another, but it seems to be this crisscross path that goes everywhere and nowhere at the exact same time. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I just wish I didn't.
Ok, for argument's sake - you make a sincere effort and start chatting with one of your old acquaintances - someone your age, who perhaps has grown along with you - do you really think he or she'd be surprised with the change and think you are weird or would they think okay, she's opening up, so yeah, it's nice to have a conversation with her?
It's worth the effort don't you think?
Eva
it is worth the effort.
i just got a bit emotional and exaggerated, but my fear is esp with these new people (ok one person...), i get tongue-tied or say something stupid. with people i have known for a long time, they know i talk and who i am. i'm just ranting about acting pathetic in front of a particular person. I'm kind of embarassed about how silly I act, so I generalized. I mean I know I am making it a much bigger deal than it is, well because I tend to do that.
I know it just takes time to open up to someone and be yourself, but eventually it will happen and it should work out for the best.
Thanks for all your advice and encouragement:-).
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