May 4, 2006- Going Crazy

I think I 'm going mentally insane. I have 5 in-class 3 hour exams starting on Saturday. Egads. All I can do is go surf the internet and listen to music with studying in between. The unfortunate thing is I must ace all 5 in order to get decent grades in the classes. I don't understand my lack of motivation. I'm trying really. I went to the library, the entire freakin University is there, thus there isn't anymore space. The irony of all this you see is that I did nothing fun this semester- I didn't go to any parties or hang out with old friends. I stayed home and studied and went on facebook (evil time waster) and became jealous of all the people who did stuff by looking at their fun pictures. I guess that's what I get for taking four history classes and changing my major.

I am really good at losing friends. There was this one friend last year; he and I were best buddies. Then this year, he is like a stranger. It's wierd. The wierd part is the pessimism in me told me that we weren't going to be friends this year, I knew it. Once he wasn't a part of the Hindu Students Council anymore, how could we be friends? We lost the common interest. And also he got back together with his girlfriend and they're probably going to get married. They spend all their time together. What's unfortunate is she lives in the building right next to us and not once does he come visit. He came in the beginning but only b/c he wanted to borrow my textbook. But what is most annoying is I am constantly reminded of him. We used to trade music a lot and the songs he sent me are on my computer and when I put a random playlist, there they are. It's not that I had a crush on him. God no. Ok maybe a little, in the beginning. But we were like best friends like siblings we told each other stuff. Then I don't know what happened. I tried to have the same relationship as before, but something changed. He became a jerk. To me at least. Maybe he was one all along. Maybe that's partially why I've been kind of sad all year. I feel like I lost a good friend and it's somehow my fault = (. Believe me, he isn't making it easy to talk to him either. He tells other people that he thinks I'm mad at him. That confuses me. It also reminds me of something I do myself. It's a way of pushing people out of your life. So, dear person, do not worry if you wish that I should no longer be your friend and should not interfere in your life. Wish you well.