October 29, 2005 - To Be or Not To Be

To be or not to be; that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep-
No more, and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to- 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep.
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of disprized love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would these fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pit and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. Soft you, now,
The fair Ophelia- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.

-Hamlet III.i. 58-92

He says it all.

October 21, 2005: Bad Karma

I think someone once said the best life to live is one with no regrets. Be positive that every decision that you made is some stepping stone to where you will end up in life; it's part of your destiny. etcetera.

bullshit.

i pretty much regret my whole college experience. I'm pretty sure I haven't really made an impact on anyone. I should have gone to GMU, saved my family a bundle of money because I also had gotten a scholarship. I could have double majored in Graphic Design & Communications. I could actually be happy instead of confused as hell.

I should have known from the moment I got into UVa. Everything that I expected and hoped for didn't happen. That's why I LIVE by Jonathan Swift's quote: "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

The very first thing that went wrong is I got the worst housing possible. I didn't get the first year dorms, I will never ever say that I had the first year experience. Because I lived so far away, I made no close friendships. For the first time in my life, I took to just being alone as my only option. I never counted on anyone. It was definitely an enlightening experience.

I was looking forward to being on the dance team soooo much; Neha hyped me up for it. But I didn't make Sharaara (the dance team). That was embarassing and they made it tenfolds worse by sending me this rejection letter that told me everything I did wrong!!!

I didn't get to participate in India Day. However, I did get to dance at Kennedy Center. So that one's ok.

Blehhhhh...don't know anymore....

P.S. Don't be alarmed. The point of this is to complain. If I was too busy being happy why the heck would I write in this?

October 16, 2005- One Big Question Mark

My current major:
Financial Math

Intended major as of Spring 2005:
Financial Math with French Minor

Reason for changing major:
Don't want to sit at a desk looking at compiling 5000 statistics to make a financial model trying to predict the market. I think I would cry or die of complete boredom. But I still like Math.

Future Options with classes already taken:
Basic Math Concentration with French Minor
Double Major Basic Math Concentration and French
History Major South Asian concentration with Math minor
" " " " " with French minor
Religious Studies Hinduism/Buddhism concentration " Math or French Minor
Economics??

Ridiculously Optimistic Option:
Basic Math and French double major with History minor (or some mutilated form of that)

Yikes. Shoot me now.

October 11, 2005 Failing

I'm failing my two math classes. Not Indian failing (means a B or C). Failing failing like an F.

This is bad.

I don't want to be a math major anymore. I reached my math limit (literally). I only like Calculus and Differential Equations. Everything beyond that sucks. At least I know what I want to change it to. It has to be French because it's the only other program I have pursued as much as Math. How pathetic have I become that I'm just trying to pass out of college. College sucks. Life sucks.

::whimper::

The problem with the French major is it isn't "practical". What kind of job can I get with that? I know that I think I want to be an elementary school teacher, guidance counselor, web design, or graphic design. I have no idea what I am going to do with my life.